


hidden storms

by orphan_account



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alec Lightwood Deserves Nice Things, Alec needs to love himself, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Magnus Bane Deserves Nice Things, Magnus is a good boyfriend, Magnus loves him, Oneshot, and reminds him how much, post 3x08
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-09
Updated: 2018-12-09
Packaged: 2019-09-14 22:23:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,579
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16921536
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Fluff/angst prompt list; 99. “I fell in love with you, not them.”“I couldn’t bring him back, Magnus.”It was said with haste, the words only lingering in the air for a moment before they were gone. Magnus wasn’t sure if Alec had meant to say it, but it still ripped his heart in two to hear. He smiled sadly up at him.“I’m so sorry.”





	hidden storms

**Author's Note:**

> [read on tumblr](https://nomorewideeyes.tumblr.com/post/180939524899/99-for-the-angstfluff-thing-malec-if-youre)

**Fluff/angst prompt list; 99. “I fell in love with you, not them.”**

–

The loft was silent. The cloak of midnight had returned and draped itself over everything around, broken only by the soft beam of light visible outside the bedroom window; emanating up from the remainder of the city still awake.

Magnus was alone. He had dozed off a few times, but always failed to fall into the deep sleep he needed.

There was too much on his mind.

For one, he hadn’t been able to stop Lilith. She had gotten in so simply, barely displaying any effort in nearly ending Magnus’ life then taking Jace back with her without him noticing.

And he hadn’t done anything to stop her.

Alec and Isabelle didn’t waste much time hanging around, the siblings both broken with a heartache that kept getting worse, perhaps not realising that they were leaving Magnus with his own.

_“Without Jace, I’m- I’m nothing.”_

Magnus turned over onto his back to stare at the ceiling, reprimanding himself for still not being able to control his thoughts even after centuries of practice.

At this rate, sleep would be a distant memory and worry would become the new norm.

He shut his eyes anyway, knowing his body needed rest, even if he wouldn’t actually get any proper sleep. It would have to be good enough.

Just as his thoughts grew quiet enough for him to bear, the soft click of his front door closing not a minute later raised their volume once again. His eyes shot back open, unglamoured, and his heart began to beat faster in surprise, hope and longing.

He hadn’t expected him to come back that night.

Slow footsteps grew closer to the bedroom, the almost silent sound of boots dropping to the floor accompanying them.

Alexander.

The bedroom door was opened hesitantly, a head of dark curls poking in, listening for any signs of life.

“Magnus?” His voice was gentle ( _so, so gentle_ ), cautious of the possibility of Magnus being asleep.

Magnus smiled into the night.

“I’m awake, darling.”

It was mere seconds before the mattress dipped, the breath rushing from Magnus’ lungs as Alec flooded his view. Warm, comforting hands took hold of his face.

Moonlight caught Alec’s features, showing searching eyes, eyes that asked and pleaded. Magnus answered back with his own, glad to have this love, _his love_ , back within his reach. Alec placed a soft kiss on his forehead in response, lips trembling.

Magnus reached up, his hands finding Alec’s neck and chest as Alec continued to press kisses into his skin. Magnus could feel the thrum of his heart. It was steady and grounding.

Alec pulled back suddenly, resting his hands either side of Magnus’ face. The soft light casted shadows across his face, the deep bags under his eyes now an almost permanent feature.

Too much has happened in such little time and it was taking too big a toll on everyone.

“I couldn’t bring him back, Magnus.”

It was said with haste, the words only lingering in the air for a moment before they were gone. Magnus wasn’t sure if Alec had meant to say it, but it still ripped his heart in two to hear. He smiled sadly up at him.

“I’m so sorry.”

Alec shook his head, moving to sit on the edge of the bed, facing away.

“You don’t need to apologise, it’s not your fault. You shouldn’t blame yourself.”

_Too late_

“Neither should you, my love.”

Alec huffed a breath, rubbing a hand down his face. A group of people passed by down on the street, laughing and singing as they enjoyed their night out together.

What Magnus wouldn’t give to make Alec laugh like that again; proper, happy laughter.

“What am I going to do without him, Magnus? What if we never get him back?”

Those words shouldn’t hurt in the way they do. They shouldn’t stab carelessly at Magnus in such a way, strike after strike as he watches more and more suffering.

They shouldn’t fill him with as much frustration as they do.

“We’ll get him back.”

“How do you know that?”

“I have hope.”

“Hope hasn’t really gotten us anywhere so far.”

“It’s something-“

“Jace is a part of me!” Alec stood up, voice climbing higher as emotions began to command, “the farther he goes away, the less I feel him there. When he fades away entirely I’ll be nothing.”

_This whole situation has changed very suddenly._

Magnus really didn’t like it.

“Alexander, you are _everything-“_

“No. Jace is the one that takes action when I cower away, it doesn’t work when it’s only me. I can’t-“

“I fell in love with _you_. Not him, not anyone else. I didn’t need Jace there to figure out who you were, or that I feel the way I do when I’m around you. I know you, and you have _never_ been nothing.”

It was as if time had frozen. They stared at one another, no longer the head of the New York Institute and the former High Warlock of Brooklyn. Simply reduced to two exhausted and unhappy people. Alec’s angry expression was completely wiped away as it was replaced with guilt. His body seemed to deflate as Magnus’ words sank in, as he replayed his own back. A scratch on the record.

Magnus only noticed he was crying when something damp fell onto the back of his hand. He wiped at his eyes fiercely, trying to hide himself away. His throat burned.

Alec lost the ability to move and speak.

It had been a very long night. 

Magnus sighed and climbed out of bed. He still didn’t let himself look back towards Alec in fear that either one or both of them would break. Instead, he walked over to the window and leant heavily on the windowsill.

He would have to chose his words carefully.

“For as long as I’ve known you,” he began, the mood shifting once again, “you’ve had a storm kept hidden away inside, spilling out from time to time, but never getting fully unleashed.”

Magnus could sense Alec holding his breath, not daring to speak himself in case Magnus stopped. 

Of which he had no intent.

“You’re the eldest son. The man who loves his family more than life. The shadowhunter who does everything he can just to make others happy and fulfil his duty.”

He finally turned around, and Alec was getting closer.

“..The one who’s afraid to live without his parabati, not only because of his love for his brother but because he’s been living in that shadow for so long he’s forgotten what it’s like to stand in the sun.”

They were only inches away from each other now, and Magnus could see that Alec was shaking, that he was holding back. 

He reached out and delicately took his hand in his own. 

“The one I wish could see how much love I hold for him in my heart. The one I wish could see how selfless and kind and caring he is, all on his own.”

Alec let out a sob, so quiet and small that it barely existed. 

Magnus pushed his unruly hair back, cupping the back of his neck and guiding him down into his arms until Alec was gripping on to his sides, head rested easily on his shoulder as sobs rolled through his body. 

“I’m terrified, Magnus.”

“I know.”

“I’m so, _so sorry_.”

“None of this is your fault.”

They stayed like that, Magnus beginning to sway slightly to help soothe Alec. They were both broken, and nothing was going to be perfect.

But they were both everything to each other, each one comforting the other in their own way, the need to hold on as strong as it had been on a spring morning outside the Institute. 

And Alec wished he could convey how much the ache in his chest dulled when he was here with Magnus, when he was anywhere near his presence, but he couldn’t. And he didn’t need to. 

Magnus knew exactly how he felt because he was feeling it too. Once upon a time Camille may have been his rock, jagged and dangerous and unpredictable. The one who fished Magnus out of the deepest of darks to try and cover the whole inside instead of fix it. 

But now he had a cornerstone laced in damage and beauty and strength. A saviour that needed saving in return. A loving and scared man that he would gladly do anything for, do what few had done for him.

Alec's breathing calmed as the couple continued to sway. Magnus pressed a kiss into the side of his head.

“I promise, I’ll do everything I can to bring him back for you,” Alec uncurled his body, puffy eyes closed, still holding on, “and you- _we_ \- are going to make it through this. Now, though, the only thing we should do is sleep.”

Alec made a noise close enough to laughter, leaning forward blindly to bring their foreheads together, Magnus helping by closing the distance.

“Magnus Bane," it was barely a whisper, a shiver running down Magnus' back, "you are the reason I'm something.”

It wasn’t perfect, and things were far from okay. There would be many problems to be sorted in the morning, and not two hours would pass before Alec would wake again and need further consolation. 

But this, them, was real. And it wasn’t going away.

**Author's Note:**

> This is for mirrorofliterature on tumblr, who sent in the prompt!
> 
> I legit wrote this at 2am after I got inspiration for it. Excuse it's mess lmao
> 
> Your comments and kudos are so appreciated! When i don't feel so good mr stank i go back and read through them and it makes the day better :')
> 
> Enjoy!


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